Many parents today are navigating the complexities of parenthood without having experienced strong models of effective communication themselves. For many of us, our own parents did the best they could with the tools they had, but those tools were often shaped by cultural expectations, generational trauma, and limited emotional literacy. Open, respectful, and loving conversations weren’t always a part of our upbringing and now, as parents, that gap can feel hard to close.

This has led to a silent disconnect between parents and their tamariki. Many parents want to be more present, more patient, and more emotionally available but without a clear blueprint, knowing how to start can feel overwhelming. Acknowledging this gap is the first step. By choosing to learn, unlearn, and parent with intention, we can interrupt the cycle. We can create homes where our children feel seen, heard, and valued in ways many of us never experienced ourselves.

This isn’t about blaming the past, it’s about breaking the silence, rewriting the narrative, and creating a future where love is spoken, not just felt.

For many whānau in South Auckland, one truth has become clear, both parents and young people want the same thing a safe home where they can safely express themselves without fear, judgement, or disconnection.

At Healthy Families South Auckland – The Cause Collective, we’ve been working alongside local whānau to explore what a strong and supportive system for parents could look like. Through this kaupapa, parents shared a common struggle, wanting to have open and safe conversations with their rangatahi, but not knowing how to begin. From this insight, a clear theme emerged: effective communication is key to building trust and deepening relationships.

Young people also shared their side of the story. They expressed that many conversations felt one-sided or power-driven, and that they didn’t always feel safe to speak openly. This shared perspective communication being experienced differently by parents and youth which sparked a shift in focus: how do we create safe, two-way communication where rules of engagement are agreed upon and upheld?

Using a design-led approach, we held wānanga with whānau to explore collective solutions and redefine what a nurturing, supportive home environment looks like. Together, whānau identified four key areas that impact communication and connection:

• Role confusion
• Intergenerational communication barriers
• Routine
• Cultural identity

Over several weeks, the mental health team worked alongside parents and youth to prototype solutions that open up the lines of communication and ways that empower parents to be heard, while ensuring young people feel understood and respected.

One of these solutions is a co-designed deck of conversational cards a simple yet powerful tool to prompt connection, reflection, and safe kōrero between parents and rangatahi. These cards are currently being tested by whānau in South Auckland and trialled within two local organisations. Built with continuous feedback loops, the cards are being refined and reshaped based on the lived experiences and insights of those using them.

This kaupapa is not just about tools, it’s about transformation. It’s about showing that change is possible when solutions are designed by whānau, for whānau. By bridging the generational communication gap, we are shifting the system. We are creating pathways to better mental health outcomes, grounded in connection, safety, and aroha.

South Auckland whānau are proving that even in the absence of a blueprint, we can build new ones together.